“I’ll punch you in the boob.”

We decided to end our last evening in California in the same way that we started it…at Fusion Sushi. Exhausted from basically not sleeping for two days in San Diego, we rest up all day on Julie’s couch. Other than a walk to Jack in the Box for lunch, resting was our top priority to prepare for our long journey home.

At around 6pm, we finally pack and get on the road to begin the first leg of our trip back to Los Angeles where we head straight to Fusion. We order all of our favorite items off the menu but this time we stick with water. After three seaweed salads, 5 rolls, 4 salmon sushis, and 7 rings of our personal service bell, we are stuffed.

Corrine begins making fun of me for something that I do not recall and Rachel thinks this is hilarious. For some reason Rachel’s laughter at this matter infuriates me. “Rachel, if you do not STFU I am going to punch you in the boob.” My reaction just makes her laugh even harder. So right then and there I punch her in the boob. Well, maybe I missed the boob area and hit her ribcage but whatevs.

I made reservations at the cheapest hotel I could find near LAX, the Travelodge. We check in and haul our 8 bags up the flight of stairs to our room. We brush our teeth, wash our faces and hop in bed. “What’s this?” I look over and Rachel is inspecting something on her sheets. Upon further investigation we decide this mystery substance is some sort of oil…most likely used for sexual purposes.

Rachel gets on the phone with the front desk. The option was to switch rooms. There is no way this is happening. We have way to much luggage to move and it’s already 11 pm. I rip the sheet off the bed, make sure I have the oil part in my hands and take some photos I throw on the first pair of shoes I see, which happen to be stilettos and click-clack my ass down to the front desk.

“This is completely unacceptable,” I say to the receptionist while holding the oil stained sheets up for her to see. She gives me a fresh set of sheets and I stomp out of there passing several sketchy looking men on my walk back.

We arise at 5:30am and head to Enterprise to drop off our rental/spaceship. The customer service here was amazing and we loved all of the employees. They were so accommodating.
The lines to get our electronic tickets were so long, we thought we might miss our flight. It didn’t help matters that we had so much luggage and have to move forward in the line with all of it every 6 seconds. Rachel had to take a conference call for work so I ended up taking trips up and down the roped in walkways moving our luggage 4 feet each trip. After an hour and a half, we make it through security.

Corrine heads straight to the bar to calm her nerves while Rachel and I opt for food. The plane ride was absolute hell. The seating area shrunk (or I grew) and the sound to the movie did not work. I threw my headphones on the ground in major double T. I cannot figure out why they continue to play the movie while no one can hear it.

The plane lands and we let every passenger off. We are afraid that if we leave the plane our vacation will be over. It is. We reluctantly walk off and head to baggage claim. We reserve the super shuttle and begin the journey back to Corrine's.

One last dinner and drinks to end the trip in the correct way. We decide on Capital City Brewery in Shirlington. I pach up my car and attempt to start it to follow Corrine and Ray to the restaurant only my car doesn't start. Welcome back to the east coast!

After trying three gas stations for jumper cables we opt to beg in front of the 7-11 asking everyone that drives up. We are basically the equivalent of a homeless man begging for money; like the hippies on Venice Beach selling their crafts. Hey, at least we learned something in Cali!